Friday again, and it’s Halloween weekend. Talking Pictures TV’s slot tonight is the live Cellar Club talk show with Kim Newman at 9:05pm on Freeview 82, so there’s no film to point you at this week. Instead, here are six free picks to choose from: a bit odd, a bit wrong, and very watchable. Nothing to pay for any of them.
The headline pick: Theatre of Blood (1973)
If you only watch one, make it this one. Vincent Price plays a ham Shakespearean actor, thought dead, who sets out to murder the London critics who sneered at him, one gleeful Shakespeare scene at a time. Diana Rigg is brilliant beside him, and Price is clearly having the time of his life. It’s British, theatrical and cheerfully wrong: a murder spree played as a farce, and a perfect fit for a Halloween weekend. It’s well liked without being a household name, which is just how this strand likes them. And because it’s free on two services, you’ve got a fallback if one of them drops it.
Directed by Douglas Hickox. 104 minutes.
Where to watch free: Tubi or Plex.
Content note: Rated R on Tubi. Comic but real gore, including stabbings, a drowning, and a victim who is fed his own poodles in a pie. Black humour throughout.
The other five
Carnival of Souls (1962)
A church organist walks away from a car crash into a river, then starts seeing a pale man everywhere and feeling pulled towards an empty lakeside funfair. Made on a shoestring in Kansas, it feels like a bad dream you can’t wake from, with wonderfully odd organ music. Directed by Herk Harvey. About 78 minutes.
Where to watch free: YouTube Movies (free with ads), Plex or Pluto TV.
Content note: Creepy but no gore. Gentle enough for a first scary film.
Spider Baby, or The Maddest Story Ever Told (1967)
A devoted chauffeur (Lon Chaney Jr.) looks after three childlike siblings in a crumbling mansion, and then greedy relatives turn up for a weekend visit. It’s a black comedy with a very sweet heart and some very wrong dinner scenes, and a proper cult favourite. Directed by Jack Hill. About 85 minutes.
Where to watch free: Tubi or Plex.
Content note: Implied cannibalism, some knife violence and an uncomfortable family premise. Dark rather than graphic.
Horror Express (1972)
It’s 1907 on the Trans-Siberian Express, and Christopher Lee is shipping home a frozen “missing link”. Peter Cushing is on board to be suitably horrified when it thaws. Add a mad monk and Telly Savalas as a swaggering Cossack, and you have a very silly, very enjoyable train ride. Directed by Eugenio Martin. 1 hour 24 minutes.
Where to watch free: BBC iPlayer (you’ll need a TV licence). It’s also listed as free with ads on YouTube.
Content note: iPlayer says it “contains some upsetting scenes”. Mild gore, including bleeding eyes.
I Walked with a Zombie (1943)
A Canadian nurse takes a job on a Caribbean sugar plantation to care for the owner’s silent, sleepwalking wife, and slowly realises the island’s drums are not just music. It’s a Jane Eyre story that goes somewhere very wrong: dreamy, shadowy and beautiful, and barely over an hour, so it fits nicely before bed. Directed by Jacques Tourneur and produced by Val Lewton. 1 hour 6 minutes.
Where to watch free: BBC iPlayer (you’ll need a TV licence).
Content note: iPlayer says “contains horror”. It’s a film of its time, with colonial-era attitudes and depictions of voodoo. Almost no on-screen violence.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
Alien clowns land a circus-tent spaceship in a small American town and start harvesting the locals with popcorn guns and shadow puppets. It’s bright, daft and proudly ridiculous, and the most purely Halloween film on the list. Directed by Stephen Chiodo. About 86 minutes.
Where to watch free: YouTube Movies (free with ads) or Tubi.
Content note: Rated PG-13 in the US, so do check the UK rating if you’re watching with younger viewers. Cartoonish menace, victims wrapped in candyfloss cocoons and a little blood. Fair warning if you don’t like clowns.
Not sure which to pick? Go by mood
- Funniest: Theatre of Blood
- Creepiest: Carnival of Souls
- Strangest: Spider Baby
- Shortest: I Walked with a Zombie
- Silliest: Killer Klowns from Outer Space
(Or Horror Express, if you want silly with a bit of Hammer class.)
What’s on Talking Pictures
If you’d rather stay with the telly this weekend, Talking Pictures TV (Freeview 82) has treats for the recorder. Tonight’s highlight is the live Cellar Club at 9:05pm. Then, in the early hours of Saturday 31 October at 2:40am, comes The Tell-Tale Heart (1960), one to record before you go to bed.
A quick word on availability
Free offers change from week to week, and these were all checked on 29 October. Tubi, Plex, Pluto TV and YouTube can drop a film at short notice, so if a link has gone quiet, try one of the other services listed. You may be asked to sign in for age checks on some of the YouTube films, Plex wants a free account, and iPlayer needs a TV licence.
Over to you
Which one are you picking for your Halloween night? Funniest, creepiest, strangest, shortest or silliest, tell me in the comments, and if you’ve already seen one of them, let me know whether it still works.
Odd, a bit wrong, very watchable, nothing to pay. Happy Halloween, and see you next Friday.
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